NAVY HUMOR
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Naval Air Pilot "Squawks"
"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Naval Air pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
- Problem: "Left side tire almost needs replacement."
- Solution: "Almost replaced left side tire."
- Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough."
- Solution: "Auto-land not installed on this aircraft."
- Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
- Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
- Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
- Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
- Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
- Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
- Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
- Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
- Solution: "Evidence removed."
- Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
- Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."
- Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
- Solution: "Live bugs on order."
- Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
- Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
- Problem: "IFF inoperative."
- Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
- Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
- Solution: "That's what they're there for."
- Problem: "Aircraft handles funny."
- Solution: "Aircraft sternly warned to straighten up, fly right, and get serious."
- Problem: "Target Radar hums."
- Solution: "Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics."
- Problem: "Number three engine missing."
- Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
- Problem: "Mouse in cockpit."
- Solution: "Cat installed."
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